Gossip Is Therapy's Worst Enemy

When my husband was told of the 6 week program he's now in he didn't want to even discuss it.  I couldn't blame him.  I had my reservations about it.  Sure we can hide the fact he's in the mental health clinic at the VA for a week, but a 6 week program?  People would wonder where he's at.  He finally decided that his mental health and his family were more important to him then what others were saying.  We decided not to hide where he was.  But it's not like you can make a public announcement "I will be gone for the next 6 weeks in a program at the VA for intensive therapy for PTSD and TBI".  And a public Facebook status is just tacky, besides those who won't realize he's gone don't need to know.  I am very proud of my husband for taking that step and forgetting about what others might think of him.  Of course he's still self conscious about it.  I'm self conscious for him.  I don't want people to misunderstand this program or what he's personally going through.  And, ultimately, it's none of their business.  If someone wants to tell me something they'll tell me.  All I have to do is ask them.  That's how I feel about things.  Not everyone shares the same views. 

We recently had to face this very issue.  Because we didn't hide where Husband is, I posted on his wall that I missed him.  I realize people can see these posts, I didn't care that they knew he was gone.  I didn't care that they discussed amongst themselves where they think he is.  I don't even care that people pass that information on...as long as they aren't doing it in a way that deems "gossip".  You know, the malicious none-of-my-business-but-I'm-going-to-act-like-I-know-all-about-everything type of talk, the I-could-care-less-about-them-but-this-is-too-juicy-to-pass-up kind of talk.  I really could care less about what people think about me, but when they talk about my family it hurts deep.  I don't want people to see him in a bad light, because he is a good man.  If he wasn't a good man he wouldn't be in therapy.  He's not locked up.  He can come home anytime he wants to.  He's not an alcoholic, he's not a druggie, he's not a wife beater.  He's in a program that will provide intensive therapy and coping skills.  What makes it so effective is that it is a residential thing...therapy is not watered down by time.  He doesn't have just one therapy session every week.  It's a all day event every day for 6 weeks (except the weekends).  If that makes him crazy or psycho then think whatever you want. Today Husband and I have been hurt and angered by gossip. 

Many soldiers and families are hurt because of gossip.  The stigma that attaches itself to therapy, medication, and programs is undeserving negative.  Why does it make someone weak to stand up and say "I need to do this for myself and for my family"?  How does it make them crazy or weak?  My husband checked himself in both for the mental health clinic and for this program.  I didn't force him, I didn't push it.  I told him it was his decision and I would support him in it as long as he was doing what was best for him in the long run.  Was the week stay at the VA mental health clinic necessary?  Maybe, but I don't think he would have committed suicide if he hadn't gone.  I think it gave him a lot to think about and showed him how he could end up if he didn't face his demons much like a lot of the more permanent residents there.  But he did it because he cared about his family, he cared enough for us that he would make sure not to lose us in any way.  He did it because he wants to be better and he knows he can't do it on his own.  He decided to do this program.  And even though now he knows that people are talking about him, he's still dedicated to becoming better.  I used to be embarrassed by the fact that I went to see a therapist.  But I got over it.  Now I'm not ashamed to say "My therapist once told me..." or to admit I went to a therapist.  (Though I didn't originally go to see this therapist about dealing with my husband's PTSD, we ended up talking about it a lot.  I would recommend any spouse to go see a therapist about living with their PTSD.  Tricare will cover Family Therapy, and the VA offers family counseling).

Don't let embarrassment or pride stand in the way of what you need to do for your family and for yourself.  Don't be afraid to tell those closest to you what's going on and what you're feeling.  Remember,

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss 

It takes a strong and courageous person to put themselves out there and do what they need to do to better themselves.  People don't talk about a closet alcoholic because that person refuses to get help and when their lives come crashing down people wonder what happened.  Then they look down their noses on them anyway.  No matter what you do, people will talk.  So why bother with what they think?  Just do what you need to do for yourself, and for your family.