Single Parenting...

I have been a single parent for going on 3 weeks now.  It is not like I'm not used to it.  The Military really prepares you to be a single parent.  The kids are pretty well behaved, things are running smoothly, and there is actually a lot less stress for me right now.  It helps that Son is over Hand Foot Mouth Disease and Daughter is on antibiotics for Strep.  That was a rough week.  The kids and I are getting into a new routine and Husband is working hard at getting better. 

He called me this evening to tell me about his first official session with his new therapist and the new treatment he will be receiving.  It is an intensive treatment called Prolonged Exposure.  He's very excited about it and most importantly, hopeful.  I've never seen him so hopeful, and happy.  He misses us, of course.  But I believe he is beginning to get his independence back as well.  He relied so heavily upon me, and now I believe he is finding strength in himself.  He told me that he is holding nothing back.  Every experience he is been burying deep down is now out in the open--from childhood experiences to war.  Things that I prayed he would discuss with his therapist but knew he probably never would he told her today.  I am hopeful as well, but then I always have been.  There had been dark times.  Times I did not even want things to work out.  But I never lost hope that it would.  I know it will.  It is simply a matter of time. 

I was telling a good friend today how easy it is for me to be a single parent right now.  That the stress level is much lower.  I can even focus better to the point where my friends are commenting on my increased level of focus (I am ADHD).  The kids are adjusting well.  I am adjusting well.  Husband comes home on the weekends and we are a happy family again.  We have always had a better relationship when it has been long distance.  We miss each other so deeply that everything else does not seem to matter much.  Perhaps when we are together we tend to take each other for granted.  Or maybe we are both so reactive and overly sensitive with each other.  Regardless of the cause, the situation remains that we seem to be happier apart.  I realize much of that has to do with my ADHD and other issues and his PTSD...it does make us reactive and volatile.  I am working hard on controlling my temper with him and he is doing the same.  Lately, the kids have been enjoying a more relaxed mommy.  A thought began to creep in my mind that perhaps this could be a more permanent situation.  Perhaps we would be happier with Daddy coming home on the weekends only.  A sort of separation.  However, would Husband be ok on his own?  I could not answer that.  I do not want to answer that.  I miss my husband terribly.  I want him back.  I want us to be happy--together.  I want us to be a family again.  I want our home to be filled with love and support and PEACE.  I know it will happen.  I know we both will finally get what we hope for.