Priorities

I am in a discipleship class at my church.  My pastor teaches it and it is geared toward those wanting to be in ministry some day.  The other day we talked about priorities.  And my pastor said something very interesting that I really hadn't thought of.  He said that priorities are just ideals until you put them into action.  It's great to say "My family is my priority" or "God is my first priority" or whatever your priority is, however, what are you doing to make that happen?  I got a little choked up when talking about my priorities.  Of course God is my first priority and though I do have a hard time keeping it that way, I try to talk with Him throughout the day and before I go to bed.  I try to read the Bible every day and teach my children Bible verses and stories in the Bible.  However, since this lesson was on family I explained my priority of always supporting my husband.  Everyone in the room knows that my husband is in a therapy program.  When my pastor asked me how I was keeping that a priority I said that I have to support him no matter what.  Even if it means my family will be angry with me or if I have to be alone for two months.  It's not easy being a single mother during the week.  It's not easy being away from my husband.  It's not even easy telling people where my husband is and wondering how that information colors the way they now view us.  But it's what is best for my husband.  It's what he needs.  And I will support him. 

I am convinced that the reason my husband's PTSD isn't so much worse than it is is because of the fact that I have been so supportive of him.  I encouraged him to talk to me without pushing him.  I encouraged him to seek help, and sometimes pushed him when I needed to.  I am there for him and he knows that.  I'm saddened at the thought that there are soldiers out there going through the same things my husband is without the support they need.  I can't blame the wives either.  Sometimes they just don't realize what is going on.  That is why I've started this blog.  It's why I plan to go to school to be a social worker.  I want to help others who are suffering in the way my husband and I are.  It's amazing what a little support will do. 

I believe that healthy priorities are as follows:

1. God
2. Spouse
3. Children
4. Ministry/career
5. Family/friends

Some might wonder why the children come AFTER the spouse.  Well, that is something I've always believed should be true.  Children are wonderful and need a lot of love and attention.  However, if you put your children above your spouse your marriage suffers and if your marriage is suffering you no longer have a happy home and if you don't have a happy home you don't have a stable home.  And children thrive in stable, happy homes.   Divorce often happens because one spouse or both put the children first before their marriage.  Unless there is abuse or a harmful situation for the children, your spouse should come first.  If there is abuse or it is a harmful situation for the children then of course you must do what is best for the children.  I told my husband, I believe I mentioned it in a previous blog, that I love HIM too much to allow him to push his children away and to let them grow up resenting him.  Right now it's not an issue...although they notice that there are times when he is home he's not really a part of the family, he's just there.  And they are beginning to accept that.  I don't want them to accept that.  So I have him spend as much time as possible with the kids when he is home on the weekends.  Not just for the children, but for my husband.  I know how much he loves them.  I know he will hate himself one day if he doesn't have a good relationship with the kids. 

My children need to know that my husband is my first priority, not them.  It will help them develop a healthy view of marriage.  Setting up boundaries for them will help the entire family become more stable and happier.